How can I cope with change?
Nov 27th, 2009 by Ollie Lind
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We have all had to face change in our lives. From the earliest time it seems that change has been an integral part of life and living. Yet how often do we yearn for stability?
Everyone needs a measure of stability and predictability in their lives. It almost seems that we go through a never ending cycle of being confronted by change and the resultant disorder and confusion that comes with it, working like mad to make sense of it and restore some measure of order and predictability and then enjoying a brief respite before the whole thing starts again.
Sounds a little silly, doesn’t it? Yet, just imagine a situation where you knew exactly what was going to happen each and every minute of the day. There were no surprises, no problems to ponder and resolve, no challenges to overcome and nothing new to experience and learn. How would you like that constantly in your life? How would you feel?
BORED
Time would drag on interminably and you would become restless. Just think of the many time we have read of second generation rich kids who are given everything from a very early age and never have to struggle for anything.
How many of them ‘go off the rails’ so to speak. They turn to drink, drugs or even criminality. Why? Because they have no direction. There is nothing to achieve and so have no goals or aspirations. It seems that we humans have a need for direction and focus.
This implies that the current state of affairs is not necessarily ideal and that we must pursue some change in order to grow, develop and evolve.
Here’s a question for you. How do we measure the passage of time? By the amount of change that has occurred. If nothing is happening then time seems to drag. If we are busy doing things then time seems to fly.
Whether we like it or not, it appears that change is an essential ingredient for a full and happy life. In fact, it can be said that change is the only real constant there is in life. I have often said that you cannot master anything you do not understand and you cannot understand anything you are unable to learn.
What is the first step in learning? We must question, we must define and then evaluate the subject. Then we are engaged on the learning philosophy and so gain understanding.
Question 1: What is change?
Answer: Any alteration in time, place or circumstance.
Question 2: What is the best way to analyse change?
Answer: By compartmenting it into the various areas of life. For example:
- Personal
- Family
- Work
- Social
- Society
- World
It can be further compartmentalised into:
- Physical
- Emotional
- Spiritual
Question 3: What is the best way to decide on the impact of change?
Answer:
- Tolerable
- Overwhelming
Question 4: What is the best way to decide on the nature of change?
Answer:
- Positive
- Negative
It seems obvious that, unless you are a hermit and live in a cave on a mountainside you will experience change. That being the case we need to know how to cope with and manage change so that we may benefit and that others may benefit by our actions in response to change. When you stop and think about it, isn’t that the way society and civilisation is supposed to operate?
Let’s go a little further. Everyone needs some sort of focus in their lives. You could call it a goal or purpose; or, more accurately, a goal and a purpose. Now, any goal is a desired state, or circumstance or achievement. That presupposes that you are not “there” yet in terms of reaching that goal. The purpose is the reason why.
Therefore we all must undertake some sort of journey to reach the desired outcome. That then means a change of some sort from our existing circumstances. So, it would be fair to say we all have a journey we undertake as we go through life. It is a necessary function of living.
So, change is an essential part of life. It is through change that we grow and develop. Therefore we could describe our life as:
- We start out
- We experience change
- We learn
- We continue in an altered state towards our destination.
If we perceive our experience as negative we may, if we decide, end up further from where we wish to be than before. That is, we go backwards, we lose confidence and therefore are able to do less. Have you ever given up doing something because you lost confidence? It’s a terrible feeling.
The question is, how do you overcome negative change that threatens to derail your life in some fashion?
Firstly recognise that failure is an event. It is not you, but an experience.
Any experience is an opportunity to learn. How do you learn?
You question.
What questions do you ask?
- What happened?
- What did I want to happen?
- What can I do to accept that what has happened has happened?
- What can I do to change the situation for the better?
- Where do I start?
- Who can I get to help?
- What did I learn from the situation?
- What can I do to make sure I have a positive outcome next time?
Embracing change requires you to adopt a particular set of viewpoints.
- Whilst I may not be able to influence what has happened, I am responsible for my reaction to it.
- If I do not embrace change and do not change and adapt, I will become obsolete.
It has often been said that only the strong survive. In fact, it is those most adaptive to change who persist and win. The dinosaur was amongst the largest and strongest animals on the planet. Where are they now? They couldn’t adapt to climate change and perished. Yet ants have survived since the dawn of time. Why? They adapted.
In a less dramatic way, we must also adapt to whatever changes life throws at us, and continue our journey. If you look at it, we make many journeys in our lives, both personal and professional.
In sales, for example, the methods of selling have evolved and changed over the years. It used to be that a salesperson had to present, present, present and virtually bludgeon the customer into buying.
Not so today. Today we see the emergence of ‘consultative’ or ‘relationship’ selling. It is almost the opposite to present, present, present. Consultative selling recognises that customers are better informed and cannot simply be bullied or bamboozled into buying something. You have to explore what is important to the customer to establish their needs and wants and then try to match our product to those needs and wants.
There is finally a recognition that you cannot make up a person’s mind for them with any permanency and that the way to ongoing success relies on establishing and fostering relationships. A big change from the past sales thinking.
A great example of a sales organisation not adapting to change was a retail chain called Waltons. They had a large team of travelling sales people who would call on homes and present ‘specials’ to the housewives. They would also collect the account payments.
The stores themselves only accounted for about 40% of the revenue. Over the years more and more women went to work and sales decreased due to this social change. Waltons poured more and more time and effort into the travelling sales force and didn’t realise until too late that they had been made redundant by social change that they had not adapted to.
On a personal level you must recognise that your environment is continually changing on every level. Just look at the internet and the phenomenal growth of recent years.
As a sales professional, or in any occupation, you must continually upgrade your skill, knowledge and ability if you want to keep up, must less progress in your life.
You must be prepared to experience change willingly, be prepared to change what you do and continually learn to be successful in life and living. No longer is change simply a sequence of events. It is almost an avalanche as the rate of change increases almost daily.
Be flexible, be willing to learn and experiment. Above all, be willing to experience.
Life is, today, a journey to be experienced, to reset your journey in the light of changed circumstances and to press on to success. Your success will be determined by your willingness to be flexible and determined.
If you look at it, no change is negative. Certainly you will experience losses in life. It is inevitable. But no great achievement has ever been attained without challenges and losses. I don’t subscribe to the word loss.
Whenever life kicks me in the teeth I pick myself up and try to recognise the opportunity to learn that has just presented itself to me. Every experience, positive or negative is an opportunity to learn, to grow and progress. Successful living is about making progress towards your goals.
It is interesting to note that the best way you can achieve your goals is to help someone else achieve theirs. As you give, so shall you receive. That sounds almost like a religious sermon. It isn’t, it’s just an observable fact of life and living.
You expand your sphere of influence to the extent you assist others. You win respect, admiration and you will evolve into a leader.
Embrace change, you may even grow to like it. You will certainly grow and develop as a person as you do.






