Not buying

One of the most misunderstood and feared aspects of life is rejection. No one wants to be rejected. It feels terrible. It feels like failure. It feels as if we are being judged as not good enough.

Think back to a time when you were rejected. Was it a positive time in your life? The answer is no. Rejection implies that we are a failure, particularly if we really wanted to be part of whatever we were reaching for. To be rejected is so closely related in our minds to failure that we will do almost anything to avoid it.

Therein lies the problem. Whenever you try to avoid a negative you first attract it in order to know what to avoid. This is a self-defeating action. You will attract and achieve what you focus on. Focus on negatives and you will achieve negatives, always. So, the question remains, how do you deal with rejection so that the outcome is positive?

You focus on the positive. So you need to look at what you really want. That is connection and a good relationship. Rather than trying to avoid rejection you must look at establishing rapport, gaining agreement and good communication.

Almost no one really understands what rejection is. If we are to successfully deal with rejection we must fully understand it. To understand rejection we must define it, we must recognise its origin and the implications of rejection whenever we experience it.

In order to understand anything we must learn and to learn we must question. First question:

What is rejection?

Rejection is:

Non acceptance of a circumstance, communication or person.

Second question:

Why does rejection occur?

The major reasons rejection occurs are, the person rejecting can see no benefit to themselves from the circumstance, communication or person or they see another alternative that is better for them. They either

• Misunderstand
• Regard it as unimportant
• Regard it as not relevant
• Don’t like it or the person
• It is not real to them
• It conflicts with their personal values
• They don’t want it

In summary whatever they are rejecting does not match their needs and wants as they perceive them. In life we focus on satisfying our needs and wants. How do we decide on what our needs and wants are? That’s an interesting question that could take hours to analyse. One useful way to look at it is that we adopt a viewpoint on everything we come in contact with in our lives.

If we are experiencing whatever it is for the first time we must learn about it in order to make sense of it and fit it into our body of knowledge. During the learning process we develop an attitude regarding whatever it is and then we behave consistent with our attitude.

One logical context to look at this is in terms of SURVIVAL. That is, we look at things in terms of benefit or otherwise to our personal survival in the first instance. We then evaluate whatever it is with a broader frame of reference, still using survival as the criteria. Does it benefit the survival of our loved ones, friends, society in general or mankind as a whole? Thus we arrive at a conclusion regarding whether it is a benefit or whether it satisfies our needs and wants.

Having developed an attitude our behaviour develops as a logical outcome of viewpoint and attitude. We will always behave in a manner that promotes our survival and is in line with what we believe to be true, our viewpoint.

Rejection is a two way street. Either you are being rejected or you are rejecting. Now, I have stated earlier that the feeling you get when you are rejected is mainly negative as it represents a loss, or failure.

We need to look at the action of rejection very carefully. In order to really understand rejection we must also look at the corollary of rejection, and that is acceptance. Whenever we make a choice we both accept and reject simultaneously.

We choose to buy a particular item of clothing at a department store. As we choose we also reject those items we examine and fail to buy. Does that make the items not chosen inferior to the item we purchase? No, it simply means we selected one that was most appropriate to our PERCEIVED NEEDS AND WANTS.

It may be that we didn’t like the item not chosen, or that we thought it was inferior to what we did eventually choose. But the important fact remains, we chose according to…

OUR VIEWPOINT

Our viewpoint is simply that which we believe is true for us. In other words, it is our reality. It is not necessarily the same reality that others see, it is just the way we see things.

Every day we are faced with choices we must make. Now, it is not possible to make a choice without rejecting some alternative. It is also not possible to live without making choices. Therefore acceptance and rejection are a natural and essential function of life and living.

Now, in order to establish any connection it is necessary to develop rapport, a relationship of some kind. That means establishing agreement in some fashion. For example, when we first meet someone we, depending on the circumstances, seek to establish a measure of agreement. That is, we share a common reality. If we start out disagreeing it is unlikely either person will accept the other. That means rejection. It is neither bad or good. It simply means an absence of shared reality, or agreement.

If we encounter rejection in our professional lives it doesn’t mean you are a failure. It means you have not yet achieved sufficient agreement to be able to share viewpoints and, ultimately, behaviour.

The question is; what can we do about it?
Let’s look at it logically. I know you have heard it all before and familiarity breeds contempt. Bear with me.

Obviously you have to BE THERE. We all know what that means, but few of us are able to achieve it for more than a few minutes at a time. Why is that?

So many of us are so busy with self talk that we scarcely have time to really look at and listen to the other person. We are busy working out what we are going to say next rather than simply being there and placing all our attention on the other person. It’s as if we are afraid we will forget what we want to, or need to say, so we ‘hold it in our minds’ and wait our opportunity to get it out.

Every time you do that you miss an opportunity to really find out what the other person’s viewpoint really is. So many times we try to impress with our viewpoint before we know the other person’s viewpoint.

Remember, nothing will change in the other person’s universe until their viewpoint changes and it will not change unless they have an opportunity to communicate and look at their viewpoint. It is really all about them.

Just a word on why being almost totally absorbed in the other person reduces rejection and promotes good relationships. It is  your subtext. If you are absorbed in the other person you will physically and emotionally reflect this. You may not necessarily be completely aware of it, but it will happen.

The other person will pick it up and feel good about. In effect you are saying to the other person, “You are the centre of the universe and I am vitally interested in you and what you have to say.” They will feel accepted and important. If they feel that way they are loath to reject you.

In effect you are allowing the other person to be as they are. Another word to describe it is tolerance. As people always look for equilibrium they will tend to reciprocate your attitude and accept you.

Life is a two way street and if you make life pleasant for others, it will come back. This obviously applies to all life, not just your professional duties.

In the present economic times people are facing possible rejection in many aspects of their lives, so any time you reduce that you are doing the other person a favour and enhancing your own chances of having a positive experience, both personally and professionally.

We all want and need respect; we deserve it. Let me show you how to win it.

Either way, you’ll be right

Henry Ford
Industrialist

I’ve seen this quote a number of times over the years and never given it much thought other than, “I suppose it’s right.”

Then I spoke with an acquaintance the other day. He was bemoaning the fact that he had lost the love of his life. He continually said to me, “I’ll never be that lucky again. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. No point in even trying to get another like her.”

On and on he went, secure in the firm belief that life had dealt him a grievous blow and that all was lost.

Then I found out the truth of the matter. He was the one that ended the relationship!! True as I sit here.

I thought to myself, “Why, in the name of all that’s holy, would he do something as stupid as that?”

Then it struck me. He must have had a negative belief so strong that it sabotaged his happiness. He “KNEW” he couldn’t be that lucky as to have this young lady. So he made sure he was right.

It seems to me we have an incredible power. We can choose how life is to be for us. Believe it hard enough and, sure enough, it happens! Talk about the secret, the Law Of Attraction.

Or maybe it’s simply the fact that we make a decision in a particular direction and focus all our intention in that area. Then we make it happen.

I suppose it depends on what you want in life.

Beware of what you believe. It will come true.

Just make sure it’s positive.

Regards,

Ollie

I went on in the higher grade match first. In the warm up my opponent, younger, bigger and much more powerful when he hit the ball, looked a worldbeater. It looked as if I was on a hiding to nothing.

Watching this fellow hit the ball as if he hated it and trying to get it back, the thought struck me. “this guy really likes to hit the ball hard and he has great reflexes. Maybe if I mix it up I might take some points off him.”

The match started and I hit the ball away from him as much as I could. Then it happened. I claim no credit for it at all. It was as if a switch went off in my head and I only focused on the single shot I was playing at the time.

All of a sudden the ball didn’t seem to be travelling as fast, I was able to get in good position and all my shots actually went where I wanted them to go. I even had to be told when the first game was over. I had focussed so hard I had no idea what the score was.

The next two ganes passed in exactly the same fashion and I won the match 3-0. My opponent was upset as he knew I was from a much lower grade and he had expected to have an easy match.

No one was more surprised then me when I won. The team members was astonished and, of course, pleased.

I went back to my own team and exactly the same thing happened. It was one of those nights. When I got home I thought about the night. What had been different?

Then I realised. I had been entirely in the present. I hadn’t thought about it at all. I simply focussed on the ball and hitting it where I wanted it to go. I was exhilarated at having control of my actions and really experienced the moment. Nothing else, just the moment.

The difference was I simply was. I was in the present and lived the experience to the fullest.

If only we could focus like that all the time. What an experience life would be then.

I invite you to the present. It’s a great time and, in fact, it’s the only time you have.

Regards,

Ollie Lind

We were there to examine how people learn and to foster understanding of how we function when we seek to master any skill, knowkedge or ability. I was happy to do this workshop because the Master, Sifu Rick Spain is dedicated to the spirit of learning and he was happy for me to share the concepts we had previously discussed.

In fact, I had already done a basic workshop a couple of months ago and this was to be an extension of that. Well, I have to tell you it became much more than that. Fortunately we had decided to film the workshop.

Not only did we overview the philosophy of learning, we expanded into my favourite subject; how to transform yourself and your life. We looked at so many things it’s impossible to list them.

What we did do is examine the realtionship we all have with the universe and how we function in terms of, not only taking on new skills and knowledge, but how we interact with others and the reason we are on this planet.

We also looked at the Law of Attraction. Everybody had heard of the latest buzz word in personal development. In fact the law is not new at all. I commend you to read the ancient Greek philosophers, the Holy Bible. Thomas Equinas and myriad other influential thinkers.

Personally I am disappointed at the merchandising that has surrounded The Secret. There is no doubt the Law of Attraction works. Unfortunately the impression given is that you simply have to focus on what you want and the universe will reward you.

There is more to it than that and we touched on it at this workshop. The atmosphere was electric when we looked at it. We called the workshop, “HOWCANI learn the Secret to mastery and abundance.”

I have just finished watching it and I have to say I’m very pleased at the concepts we examined. It simplifies the reasons why we function as we do and what we can do to maximize the chances of the Law of Attraction working for you.

I don’t normally ‘plug’ the videos I create. (perhaps I should, but I have an aversion to blatant merchandising) I believe people should be free from pressure when they look at concepts of this nature.

I am suggesting you look at the preview we will place on the product page in the next few days. It could help you transform you life.

Regards,

Ollie Lind